


Heart

by ironman



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 04:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironman/pseuds/ironman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The arc reactor, which used to be a comforting weight against his chest - proof that he was very much alive - had turned into a burden. It was going to be the reason for his death, and he resented it more at that point than he ever had before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tony didn't tell anyone. Not at first. 

It was a private matter, as all things personal with a member of the Stark family, and he didn't want Steve to worry. Steve hadn't had to deal with his Palladium poisoning, and thus wouldn't really understand his erratic behavior. Plus, the super soldier was still too scared to confront Natasha or Pepper, and Fury didn't talk to the team besides barking orders - so it all worked out in his favor. 

Tony Stark had a tumor wrapped around his heart.

His doctor had told him that they could preform surgery to remove it, but with the arc reactor keeping the shrapnel from going into his heart, there was a possibility that he wouldn't make it through the procedure. A high possibility. And that was enough of a chance for Tony to turn down the operation.

So he had a month. A month to put his affairs in order before the malignant tumor started to wear him down. It had already begun, but it was easy enough to manage without showing any outward signs. The arc reactor, which used to be a comforting weight against his chest - proof that he was very much  _alive_  - had turned into a burden. It was going to be the reason for his death, and he resented it more at that point than he ever had before.

As he looked at the screens hovering before his face, he sighed. Being in the workshop just didn't feel the same anymore. It was reminding him of his previous run-in with death and the dead weight in his chest was making his breath catch and he just needed  _out_. 

"Steve?" he called, pressing the button on his tablet so it called his boyfriend upstairs. "Do you want to call a pizza in?"

_"Who are you, and where has my Tony gone?"_  Steve's voice replied, light and joking - but it still made Tony look down in shame. He should tell him.  _"That's fine. I've been wanting to watch the new episode of Sherlock anyway."_

"Alright, I'll be up in a few minutes," Tony said, cutting off the line and swiveling around in his chair to focus on the specs for the Mark IX suit he was building. "Jarvis, paint this one blue and silver. Fury said that the next mission is going to be in Northern Russia, so I'm guessing it needs to be somewhat incognito."

"Yes, sir," the robotic voice replied, and as Tony watched the screens show him what the suit would look like, Jarvis spoke again. "You should tell him, sir."

"I didn't program you to be my conscience," Tony snapped in reply before standing and heading towards the stairs. But he knew Jarvis was right. 

As soon as he reached the top of the stairs though, he found himself with his arms full of a very happy Captain America, who pressed a kiss to his forehead and then turned on his heel and splayed himself across one of the couches. 

"I got two, one pineapple and ham and the other pepperoni with extra sauce and stuffed crust," Steve said while Tony sat down beside him and let the super soldier rest his head in his lap. "I know you hate when they don't put enough sauce on yours."

"Thanks, Stebe," Tony said with a half smile, running his hands through the other man's soft hair. 

"Are you okay?" Steve asked softly, looking up at Tony through his eyelashes. It had taken the soldier so long to get accustomed to living in the future - just to be happy again. Everyone he loved was gone, but he had the team and Tony now. Tony felt his throat constrict and he nodded. 

"I'm fine, beautiful," he replied with a smile, picking up the remote and turning the news on. "I just don't know if things could ever get better than this."

And when Steve gave him one of those blinding smiles, he breath stopped momentarily. God, he should tell him. 

"I love you," Steve said, sitting up when Jarvis let them know that the pizza had arrived. And after pecking Tony on the lips he ran off to get their food. 

"I love you, too," he sighed, staring after the man and slumping back into the couch. "Steve."

Tony stood. He had to tell him; He was holding back for the simple fact of keeping Steve happy, but that would just make Steve resent him when he was gone.

"Steve," he called again, walking toward the kitchen where he knew his boyfriend was, putting pizza onto plates for them.

"Yeah?" Steve's head popped around the corner as Tony approached, eyebrows raised. "Do you want a slice of mine?"

"No, I," he started, voice breaking slightly, "you might want to sit down."

Once they were both seated, Tony looked up at the soldier and laced their fingers together.

"I love you, Steve," he said softly first, licking his lips and taking a moment to look anywhere but at him. "I - I wasn't going to tell you. I figured it'd be easier for you if you didn't know. But since you're just about the only one that'll give a damn, I mean, you deserve to know. You  _don't_  deserve to be kept in the dark - but - but I didn't want you to worry. I just -"

" _Tony_ ," Steve cut him off, his eyebrows furrowed in worry and his hand tightening around the engineer's own. "You're rambling again."

"Oh," Tony murmured, looking down at their hands. He would have taken a moment to marvel at the fact that two years ago, he wouldn't have had Steve, and no one would have cared if he died, but he had more pressing matters to attend to. "Steve, I'm... I'm dying."

" _What_ ," was the breathed response, and Tony looked up immediately to see that Steve's breath had stopped.

"There's a tumor wrapped around my heart, and even if I had surgery, the chance of me making it through are slim. The fucking arc reactor, Steve," Tony said, his voice halting and broken. 

"Tony, tell me you're joking. You're not - you can't be...  _Tell me you're joking_ ," Steve whispered, his hand tight around his boyfriend's and his eyes fixed firmly on him. "Please."

"I'm not, Steve," Tony said, "I'm sorry, I'm not."

It took a moment, but Steve's breath returned. But it was heavy and panicked, and Tony could feel his eyes start to sting. But he was going to be strong, Steve needed him. In a heartbeat, Steve was on the floor, wrapping his arms tight around Tony's middle and resting his head against his stomach. Tony could feel the slight tremor in the man's body, and immediately his hands went through Steve's hair.

"It'll be okay, I promise," he murmured, gently sweeping his lover's hair back. "You'll be okay... without me."

"No, Tony, I won't," was the broken reply, and Tony could  _feel_  his heart constrict in his chest. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The pizza lay forgotten while Steve's shoulders quaked slightly and Tony's eyes pressed closed tight. Eventually Steve looked up, his eyes looking into his lover's own. And Tony winced.

"Will you... Please," Steve started, and Tony already knew what he was going to ask. 

"I turned the surgery down," he whispered in reply, and Steve's hold tightened.

" _Please."_

"I... I'll call the doctor tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

Tony had done exactly as he'd promised. He'd called the doctor and gone to a second consultation with Steve by his side. Part of him - the part that still believed his father - wished he hadn't told him. Wished he could have gone in peace, finally get rid of all the shit in his past.

But the other part, the part that was slowly being put back together by Steve, knew that he'd made the right decision. Because Steve needed him.

 _God_ , that was such a weird thought. Someone  _needed_ him.

And so his surgery was scheduled for February nineteenth. Ironically, it was the first  _decent_  snow of the season. So Tony and Steve had had to drive to the hospital three hours in advance. Which meant waiting - the worst part. Thankfully, though, Tony was given a private room right away for them to sit in (he didn't need more people to know about his operation than necessary). 

"Tony," Steve started, sitting on the bed with his boyfriend. Tony was fitted between his legs, leaning back against Steve's broad chest, and he looked up when he heard him speak. "Thank you."

"For what?" Tony responded with a forced laugh. "I mean, I wasn't going to do it, yeah, but it's probably the most logical choice here. The numbers add up - the statistics. There's definitely a higher chance of me making it through surgery and living rather than sitting around and let disease take all my hair away. I mean if I have to go through chemo that means I won't have any hair, anyway - God, Steve, are you going to love me even if I don't have  _hair?_  I didn't think of that."

"Tony! I'm going to love you even if you're bald," Steve said quickly, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. Even in the worst situations, Tony could find humor. Or maybe he was just rambling. Whatever. "Thank you for changing your mind."

"Steve, you and I both know without me around, you'd never be able to keep up with the technology in the house. Your brain might explode," Tony said matter-of-factly. "I have to be around."

"You weren't going to."

"I figured you really didn't need me. No one ever did before."

"For a genius, you're kind of... not that smart," Steve said with a soft laugh, pressing his face into Tony's hair.

"Oh, whatever. Find someone else who can create a new element, then. We're through!"

It was a joke, but it made Steve's arms tighten around Tony's waist anyway. 

"I love you," he murmured against the engineer's hair, and Tony smiled.

"Love you too. Now - okay, it's four. I have to change into my dress."

Steve slowly let his boyfriend go, watching as the closed the door and changed in front of him. The arc reactor gleamed as menacingly as an inanimate object could, making Steve glare at it.

"Woah there, killer. Don't melt it with your super soldier heat vision," Tony teased while Steve wiggled until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"Why not?" Steve whined, but there was a half smile on his face. Before Tony could respond again, a nurse walked into the room and looked between the two of them. Her eyes were gentle, and she gave them both a smile. 

"Hi, I'm Molly, one of your nurses for your procedure. Mr. Stark, I'm going to need you to lay back on the bed? Mr. Rogers, you can stay in here for now," she said, swabbing Tony's arm for a blood sample. "We're going to be taking you into surgery within the hour. Probably sooner rather than later. I'll be back in just a bit with another nurse and two guys to transfer you to the operating room."

When she left, Steve was quick to sit down next to Tony. 

"This is one damn uncomfortable bed," Tony grumbled, struggling to get comfortable and failing. 

"Listen, Tony, I know you're going to make it through, but... if you don't," Steve began, needing to take a deep breath in between his words, "I love you."

"Steve, in reality, the chances of me making it through this are really slim. And we both have to see that," Tony replied gently, his hand in Steve's. "I love you too. And if something does happen... make sure to beat the shit out of Rhodey for stealing my suit that one time."

" _Tony_."

"It's time, Mr. Stark. Are you ready?" the nurse was back, and Steve looked at her. 

"Just a little longer, please?" he began, but Tony looked at him with a half smile.

"We're always gonna want just a little longer, Steve. We need to get it over with," he murmured, and after tugging his boyfriend down for one last kiss, he shooed him out the door. They shared one last 'I love you' and then it was time for Tony to be wheeled down the hallway.

Five hours. The surgery took five hours. Five hours of Steve pacing, drinking far too much coffee, and running his hands through his hair so much that it was already ridden down with grease even though he'd washed it that morning. Pepper, Rhodey, and even Fury had called him asking for news - along with all the Avengers but that was because Clint was working the phone for Thor, but he had no news.

Not a word, and he was starting to worry. Well, worry more than he already had been.

And he was on his way to ask if Tony was out of surgery for the thirtieth time when a doctor in teal scrubs walked up to him and asked if he was Mr. Rogers.

When he nodded, the doctor sighed.

"The arc reactor keeping the shrapnel from Mr. Stark's heart gave us a lot of trouble," he began, and Steve's pulse quickened. "We managed to get around it, but the tumor was a bit bigger than we anticipated. However - we got most of it."

"So, he's..." Steve started, trying to get actual  _news_.

"He's in recovery," the doctor said eventually, and Steve cracked a smile so wide that you'd think his face would cleave in two. "You can see him now, but he's still a bit out of it from the anesthesia."

"Can you take me to him?" Steve asked, practically bouncing on his feet. He'd call the rest of their friends later. He followed quickly to Tony's room and sat beside him once he'd gotten his hand sanitizer - and the man of iron looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"Hey Stebe," he murmured, and Steve took his hand immediately. 

"Hey Tony, how are you feeling?"

"Tired, kinda bored already," Tony mumbled back, yawning. "You look like you thought  _you_  were gonna die."

Steve didn't want to talk about that.

"Why don't you get some rest."

"Alright," Tony replied, eyes closing immediately. 

"You  _are_  tired. You never actually sleep when I tell you to." Steve laughed a little.

"Saw mom," was Tony's reply, and Steve's eyebrows furrowed until he realized that Tony was talking about during the surgery. His heart jumped into his throat. "She told me to start listening to you. Dunno why, you don't know everything."

" _Go to sleep_."

"Alright. Love you, Stebe."

"I love you too, Tony."


End file.
